Funny Phrases

Funny Phrases

Check out the best funny phrases for you to have fun and make people laugh!

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I just lie to others!


From Amazonas to Chuí, I only stop to pee.

He was so old that in his marriage instead of rice, they threw blue pills.


What is a Japanese man who has his penis cut off by his jealous wife supposed to do? Go to Small Claims Court!

Faith moves mountains, but dynamite is faster.
Faith moves mountains, but dynamite is faster.

Twitter changed my life. I used to talk to myself, now I talk to a lot of people alone.

I’m starving more than wig lice.

I’m like the moon, I have phases…

Do you believe in reincarnation? Give me $5,000 and I’ll pay you next time.

This Google Street View is very realistic! I went to see the way from São Paulo to Santos and they deducted R$20 reais in tolls!

Every snake’s dream is to be a comb!

The mirror reflects without speaking and the woman speaks without reflecting.

Extra, Extra: Bomb mother-in-law explodes and kills 2 sons-in-law… of happiness!

Size is not document. Money does not bring happiness. I think whoever invented this shit was poor and had a small dick!…

Unhappy beast the man. He has a breast without milk, eggs without a shell, a bird without a wing, and worst of all: a bag with no money!

There’s a girl who puts so much powder on her face that it draws the attention of drug dealers.

As most men define marriage: a very expensive way to get your clothes washed for free.

Hierarchy is like a shelf: the higher up, the more useless.

The woman kisses the frog wanting the prince. The man kisses the woman wanting the frog.

If God knew we’d drink beer, he would have given us two stomachs.

Sex is the same entrance exam, no matter the position, the important thing is to be in!

I live so indecisively that the only certainty is that I am in the uncertainty of doubt.
I live so indecisively that the only certainty is that I am in the uncertainty of doubt.

Girl, you’re just like a crosswalk: respect, but I want to move forward.

Who has never woken up super tight to pee and the bathroom was busy, doesn’t know what agony is.

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for 40 years… If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!

A woman is like medicine: she shakes herself before using it.

He who sows embers, reaps volcanoes.

When you see a light at the end of the tunnel, make sure it’s not the train.

99% of people who post a photo inside a car… don’t have a car.

Not all women are fulfilled on the stove, many only find happiness in the tank!

A poor man’s happiness is sitting on the side of the street, turning on the car stereo and drinking beer with the family.

Faith moves mountains…but ecologists are against it.

Brazil: where politicians are taken for granted and comedians are taken seriously”

What is the man’s concept of helping to clean the house? Raise your legs for the vacuum cleaner to pass.

Why doesn’t the government ban gambling altogether and release only those who are lucky?

I drink little, but the little I drink makes me into another person, and that other person does drink a lot.

I’m in love with my bed… too bad the alarm clock doesn’t approve of this relationship.

Style I have, I don’t have clothes.

I'm not losing hair, I'm gaining face!
I’m not losing hair, I’m gaining face!

In Bahian restaurants, haste is the enemy of the meal.

Today I’m more embarrassed than Gugu’s school.

After the storm… traffic stops.

As Edir Macedo would say: “Temple is money”.

The death of one person is a tragedy, the death of millions a statistic.

Money doesn’t just talk, it makes a lot of people shut up.

In a saci fight, any kick is a flying kick.

I know almost nothing.. But I suspect something!!!



I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, but sometimes I lie!

A bad day at work is better than a good day at work.

Today I’m more down than a submarine mechanic.

Women never deceive men. She just practices what she learned from them.

And that is very poorly explained. I have no strength to be understood. Who makes sense is a soldier. (Mario Quintana)

Tell me who you hang out with and I’ll tell you if I’m going with you.

Man, women are like this: They get attached very fast, they like caresses, feel unique, attention, they are sweet, they have a sweet way of being, they are beautiful, sincere and they see love in everything. Wouldn’t it be cowardly to destroy a person’s heart like that?

Children in the front seat can cause accidents. Accidents in the rear seat can cause children.

With this drought and lack of rain, I already miss those people who make a “storm in a teapot”.

Its beauty is like the work of the city hall, it never ends!

When one doesn’t want to… the other insists.

Laughing at everything is for fools, but not laughing at anything is for stupid people.

There are things money can’t buy. For all others, there is a default.

Says he likes you, kisses you and leaves.

Girl, I hate Corinthians, but for you I’m Faithful!

Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Poor is fuck, he always says he has nothing, but when it rains, he says he lost everything.

Never hit a person with glasses – use your hands.


My wife is a “professional” behind the wheel!

In the period of feudalism I was always a peasant, Dudu Nobre.

He’s so thin that when he’s facing you, you think he’s on the side, and when he’s on the side, you think he’s gone.”

I don’t want to have kids for two reasons: I don’t share my video game, or my wife’s breasts.

Malandro is Lula who always has a 10% discount on manicures.

A woman’s heart is like a circus… there’s always room for one more clown.

Birthdays are good for your health… People who have many birthdays live longer.

Yesterday I drank so much that I was calling vulture my loro.

That desire to spend with his current girlfriend in front of his ex, just for her to feel the taste of contempt.

Trickster is the rabbit that is born with a red eye so as not to attract attention.

Why did God create man before woman? First the draft, then the final!

Work doesn’t kill anyone… and the bomb squad guy really believed it!

A woman doesn’t play soccer because she couldn’t bear to see ten other women wearing the same clothes as her.

The good kamikaze doesn’t come home after work!

How to be happy in 2 steps: take 2 steps to your bed, lie down and sleep.

I know the Invisible Man is here! Because? Because I’m not seeing him! (Keys)

If Wine is Liquid, How Can It Be Dry?

The good thing is not being important: the important thing is to be good!

Man is like loaf of bread: flat, square, hard crust and easy to bend!

Sincerity seems to be a problem these days. But I’d rather be hated than fake.

Why did you leave the test blank? Because there was no question that told me to color.

Man is equal to a pay phone, 80% don’t work, and the other 20% are busy.

Danger isn’t a horse on the track, it’s a donkey in the lead.

Some people never make the same mistakes twice. They always discover new mistakes to make.

If you look more like your neighbor than your father, fix the fence.

Cinnamon: device to find furniture in the dark

We have a weird and wonderful relationship: He’s weird and I’m wonderful.

May our mothers-in-law never be called Hope, for hope is the last to die!

Trickster was the Michael Jackson who slept during the day because the night is young!

The only way to tell if a man is lying is to see if his lips are moving.

Some women are so ugly they should sue nature for damages!

Baby do you swim? No, why? Because you have no boobs, no ass, no thighs.

Drunkenness does not create addiction. It just makes us stand out.

If mother-in-law was good, she wouldn’t start with an “S” for satan.

Poor man’s lubricant is spit.

Who never stopped doing something to make everything right in their sentimental life, but in the end it wasn’t worth it.

Have you seen the latest Japanese camera? It is so fast that it can photograph a woman with her mouth closed!

If love is blind, the thing is to grope.

The world is man’s home. The home is a woman’s world.

Ugly woman and bat only come out at night.

I went to the cemetery to visit the grave of my self-esteem.

I need to put my hand on some people’s faces, to relax.

To further seduce men, women should wear makeup on their butt and not their face.

Life is beautiful, and human beings the beast.

My teacher is so stingy that even the call he makes collect!

Do not value money more or less than it is worth, for it is a good servant and a bad master.

I was asked: Which position do you prefer? I replied: The one where the man bends down and asks the woman to marry him.

If you keep seeing the ugly in everything you see, remember that one day you will be dead inside a beautiful coffin.

Whoever wants to like me has to be out of love, because I don’t have money and beauty is in short supply.

Kissing doesn’t kill hunger, but it opens the appetite.

Good thing they invented Facebook, otherwise I’d have to call 500 people to tell them I’m going to bed.

Things don’t go well between a couple when that cigarette smoked after sex is smoked during.

The ‘Fruit Women’ are connected in the world. They have Broad Butt Internet.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because they never stop to ask for information!


That woman wasn’t ugly, it was you who drank little.

Sage advice: Don’t argue with your wife when she’s folding her parachute.

You’re so cute, if I give you a ball of yarn, you’ll spend the whole afternoon playing.

Smart is not who knows where to go, but who has learned where not to go back.

I don’t lie, but Element.

The lie has a short leg, but it has a nice pair of thighs.

Money is just one thing you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.

I didn’t waste time. I found the delay!

My neighborhood is not a Band program, but it is 24 Hour Police!

Drowning is something that makes many people’s mouth water.

They’re saying I’m no good. See what audacity! People are now able to tell the truth…

97% of a woman’s beauty comes out with soap and water.

The secret to a good relationship is beauty and patience. If it works, great; if not, be patient.

It’s old, ugly, slow, drinks, it’s out of order, but it’s paid!

Do you know when a woman loses 95% of her intelligence? When she separates from her husband.

It’s better to be a known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic.

The donkey is easily tamed, as long as you don’t treat it as an equal.

Woman only suffers in silence when cell phone credits run out!

That moment when your short friend says “..when I was little…”.

Not all women are fulfilled at the stove. Many only find happiness in the tank.

Malandro is the Kangaroo that is born with Bolsa Família.

I have two dreams in life: to be filthy rich and to die for. I’ve already got half of it, I’m rotten and almost dying.

I speak beautiful, Miguel speaks beautifully!

Pregnant woman complains of full belly!

If it’s bad for you, imagine who says “beautiful and beautiful”.

Her name is Fernanda. ‘Fer’ for friends, ‘Nan’ for acquaintances and ‘Da’ for anyone!

A lie, a fiction never realized, but if it is well told, it convinces even the truth!

Invisible Woman cheated on her husband for 10 years and he says he’s never seen anything!

Do you know the hardest way for a woman to commit suicide? Shooting in the head, as the probability of hitting the brain is very small.

A male who is a male doesn’t suck honey, he chews bees.

If you are tired of sinning, come in!’ They wrote below: ‘If you’re not already there, call me, Isabel: (11) 8829-1772’.

In Portugal, restaurants close for lunch…

So much better to give, it’s going to be hard!

Two storks were talking: – Girl, this month I haven’t delivered any babies. But I gave every ounce!

I don’t send my mother-in-law to hell because I feel sorry for the devil!

You’re only fat because your mother took too much Skol and you came down round!

Men are responsible for 99% of car accidents by lending their vehicle keys to women!

The man is the head and the woman is the neck, turn wherever you want.

Where there is smoke there is not always fire. Sometimes it’s just a reggae show!

The best way to get a man to do something is to say he’s too old for it.

My internet is not slow, it just likes to make suspense!

Luan Santana sings: Me, you, two kids and a dog. I already know you’re poor…

Mathematics is virgin because wheat does not measure.

If all men got exactly what they deserve, there would be a lot of money left in the world.

If a friend asks you for money, think about which of the two you prefer to lose: the money or the friend?

I don’t have a watch, my No Time.

Give me some ice, and I’ll give you all of Alaska.

The only certainty I have is that I am in doubt.

I open the fridge to cool my head.

Steppe and woman is always good to have in reserve.
Steppe and woman is always good to have in reserve.

Who never stopped counting stars pointing to the sky, because they were afraid of growing a wart on their finger?

If homosexuality were normal, God would have created Adam and Ivo.

A horned man is a helpless animal!

Beer and cachaça are man’s worst enemies. But the man who flees from his enemies is a coward.

Is your mother an oyster?… Because you are a pearl!

He walks into a Xerox store and asks “Man, can you copy here?” “No! Here we take X-rays!”

Be careful when making an ass face… Some people are a dick face!

Beauty is a matter of faith, and I believe that I am beautiful. The hard part is convincing others.

Do you know what the ego is? A: They are the little Argentines that we all carry within us.

The old trick of going to the kitchen at dawn singing church music to scare away ghosts.

There are two ways to treat women. To this day, no one has found out what they are.

A good musician always gets good grades!

Make yourself at home… wash the dishes!

The doctor says I’m crazy, but the voices from beyond say I’m not. I don’t know who to believe…

I’m not going well as I want or bad as they think.

What is a foo? It’s a buiaco in the paiede!

I look beautiful in two types of photo: From afar and from the back.

The worst thing about oral sex is the view.

I can’t take it anymore, for 20 years my mother has always asked me the same question: Son, when are you going to work?

Whoever invented work had nothing to do!
Whoever invented work had nothing to do!

Do you want to get millions of followers? Poke a bee hive and run away.

Whoever wants to like me has to be for love, because I don’t have money and beauty is in short supply.

I bought a Corvette… a steed with a Chevette engine.

Girl, are you married, single or do you want to date me?

My therapist keeps saying I worry too much about revenge. We’ll see…

The guy was so skinny his shower had only one hole!

I watch CSI just so I know how to kill someone without leaving a trace.

While the incompetents eat frogs, entrepreneurs eat frogs.

Election season, the most appropriate time to arrest the bad guys, is when politicians appear hungry for votes!

I lost my girlfriend during a fire. She ran off with the fireman!

I put a cell phone on my bike, now I have a communication vehicle.

Get your racism out of the way I want to go with my color.

I took a test to find out my wedding day and my death day. Both gave the same date!

Nobody wanted to pay the bill but Cassia Kiss.

It doesn't take a Newton to understand the gravity of the situation.
It doesn’t take a Newton to understand the gravity of the situation.

Happy is the sex shop owner, who can say: Take your things and go f…! And the customer still comes out happily.

Every Mohammed has the mountain he deserves.

Man is born smiling, lives cheating and dies lying.

Then the person says he hates falsehood, but smiles when he’s not well.

I’m not lazy, I’m in power saving mode.

I’m not lazy, I prefer the term “selective participation”.

I’m not lazy, just very relaxed.

I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is the mother and we must respect her!

Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

Friends: you win and you lose. Enemies: Stacks.

What do Japanese people do when they have an erection? A: vote!

In Brazil, when the holiday is religious, even atheists celebrate it.

Facebook is like a fridge, we know we don’t have anything and we still check it every five minutes…

I once dated a girl who had a parrot. That thing wouldn’t shut up for a minute. The parrot was pretty cool.

I’m such a good person that I don’t know how to say no. When they ask me something I say: Impossible!

Woman who is fed with illusion, reciprocates with indifference.

If your wife and a politician were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to the restaurant or the movies?

Unlucky is Saci, who never wakes up on the right foot.

The good thing about being ugly and poor is that when a person likes you, they really like you!

Sometimes you’re arguing with an asshole… and so is he.

I realized that drinking enhances my beauty. Whenever my wife sees me drunk she says, “Nice, huh!”

The horse is the master’s, but the spurs are mine.

A smart woman’s greatest pleasure is playing the fool in front of an idiot who plays smart.

Want to see a man do sit-ups? Put the remote at his feet!

You know those days when you’re mad at your boyfriend and say you don’t want him to call you or text you, but every time your phone rings, you hope it’s him?

Every day it’s the same thing: son does this, son does that… I can’t wait to turn 40 and get out of here!

Cut your hair? No, he was tired and stayed home sleeping.

My daughter, the first time I slept with a man was with your father, could I hear the same? -Of course, Mom, but not with that cock face!

I wanted to die like my grandfather, sleeping very peacefully… and not screaming desperately, like the 40 passengers on the bus he was driving!

Do you lie, cheat, curse, speak ill of others, don’t treat your parents well, and do you think you would go to hell only if you ate meat today, which is GOOD FRIDAY?

I don’t understand these people who only think about money. Fame and success are important too!

Poor man only goes forward when he stumbles…

Planting marijuana can give sugarcane!

Better a hole in the account than a hole in the savings.

His nose is so big, but so big, he has to give an arrow to turn his face.

In the land of jealousy, a cell phone turned off is treason!

To cure a passion, drink cachaça without lemon. To cure your bitterness, drink unmixed brandy. For elbow pain, drink vodka without ice. If your life is suffering, never stop drinking!

“Please, did you see anyone around this corner just now? No sir. When I got here, it was already folded…

She takes off her clothes and says, ‘Come on, make me feel like a woman’. She takes off her clothes and says, ‘Here, Lava!’

His ear is so big that it picks up more than 9 channels in high definition.

“Single yes alone never”. Translation: “Everyone eats me, but no one assumes me”.

Yesterday I cycled about 20 km… damn bike owner who wouldn’t give up on it!

He says he loves you, but you just turn your back, you’re already thinking about someone else.

I’m one of those people who judge people by the ringtone!

I’m more lost than Tiririca reading the encyclopedia!

Do you know why women have small feet? To get closer to the sink!

I told my ex-girlfriend she looked beautiful. She replied: I know that, now tell me something I don’t know! I replied: 8×6!

Save oil by using your mother-in-law’s vehicle.

Where my uncle spits, a sugarcane tree grows.

Remember: never listen to Mike Tyson!

Carnival, Halloween has passed and you’re still wearing a mask.

You can call me a drunk, because I will deny it until the last dose!

I hate when I go to hug a beautiful person and hit my face in the mirror!

Caution and chicken broth never hurt anyone… except the chicken.

When the parents decide to stop being square, the daughter becomes round.

I brush my teeth 3 times a day. Little Johnny Thirty.

My wife used to say: May it be eternal while it lasts!

Worse than a stone in a shoe, just a grain of sand in a condom.

I bought a limited edition Lady Gaga television. Comes with the initials of her name LG.

Baby, call me iPad and I’m sensitive to your touch.

I thought I was indecisive… but now I’m not so sure.

Why did God invent man? Because vibrator doesn’t cut the grass!

I’m that kind of man that the ladies dispute… Say bitch what an ugly man!

Working never killed anyone, but… why risk it?

For a good drinker, half a bottle is enough.

Conjugating the verb Facebook: I post, You comment, He likes, We share, You publish, They laugh, Nobody works!

Talent is like Pedro I, he is a Dom”

Whoever shoots cornflakes is a Cereal Killer!

Women are like drugs: they end up with our money.

Exporting is what matters!

The place where women are most excited is called Shopping.

Mirrors should think twice before reflecting!

1Guys, the brain is not marijuana, its use is allowed.

I have a life outside of Twitter, I just can’t remember the password.

Have safe sex, wear your seat belt.

I just say one thing: I don’t say it’s nothing. And I still say more: That’s all I say!

I’m trying to convince my mother-in-law to donate her organs, but my wife doesn’t like the idea. He thought it best to wait for her to die.

Campaign for life: everyone takes care of their own!”

A woman is like a sheet: from the bed to the tank, from the tank to the bed.

You know, I found out what makes you fat… Your tongue!
You know, I found out what makes you fat… Your tongue!

It was my driving school instructor who taught Frank Aguiar!

Hence the girl is so thin, that if she swallows a meatball without chewing it, everyone will think she is pregnant.

There are people so extremely poor that they only have money.

Do you prefer two women or a woman and 1/4?

Poor is like a pipe: he only takes tobacco!

If everything good ended soon, I should have died a long time ago…

Women, when they are overweight, become so competitive that they don’t pray to lose weight, but pray that their friends will gain weight.

More important than the flowers is the card that comes with them. Especially if it’s credit.

Son is like fart: you can only take yours.

I feel love, Wagner Love.

There are only two types of men, those who fly and those who betray.
There are only two types of men, those who fly and those who betray.

Wrote, not read? So it’s dumb!

A poor man’s fan is a police helicopter flying over the favela.

In art there is nothing older than futurism.

A woman is like a screw… it has to be in the grip.

Twenty-four hours a day, 24 beers in a box… Coincidence?

A kiss is like an electric iron: it turns on at the top and heats up at the bottom.

Life is all about choices? Um, did I choose to be ugly? Did I choose to be poor? Did I choose to be alone? So life is not made of choices!

You know what women say to guys who are good in bed? I know…

Women’s Excuses: I’m sorry, but it was your fault.

Yes, of course I’m athletic… I surf the Internet every day.

This morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

I want someone to give me a loan and then leave me alone.
I want someone to give me a loan and then leave me alone.

There are politicians who are so superstitious that they wear four horseshoes for good luck.

On the day that sweat makes money, the poor are born without armpits.

Lately I’ve been so intimate with sloth that I call her Pri!

Do you know what happens when you rub a lamp underwater? A Hydrogen appears.

There are two theories on how to reason with a woman. None of them work!

Why do women work less than men? Because they do it right the first time!

The truth is, if pigs could vote, the man with the bucket of food would always be elected. It doesn’t matter how many pigs he’s already slaughtered in the next pen.

I always arrive late to the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

3 prettier words for a married woman than I LOVE YOU: No Cooking Today.

Behind every successful man is a surprising woman.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn her head any way she wants.

You could be right or you could be the husband.

In my house I am the boss, my wife is just the one who makes the decisions.

There is just no University FUNK, because most stopped in the 5th grade.

I dream of a better world, where Dona Chica doesn’t throw her dick at the cat-tô-tô.

Freedom in life is having a love to hold onto.

I’m big because I respect the little ones.

Lighting a candle for my patience, which died a long time ago.

But don’t forget: Just as you shouldn’t mix drinks, mixing people can also give you a hangover.” (Martha Medeiros)

Save our planet! He’s the only one who has beer.

A visit from a mother-in-law is like fish out of the fridge: If more than a day goes by, it harms the environment.

The mad cow drowned because it was dating the manatee.

Everything in life passes, even the raisin.

Everything in life changes, even the deaf changes.

The woman’s G-spot is at the beginning of Grana and at the end of shoppinG.

Before you go around giving opinions on other people’s lives, check if anyone is interested in hearing them.

Women are the same road, the more curves the more dangerous”

Today, fiddling with the antenna, I discovered that my TV receives a UHD signal (Uma Hora Dá).

What is the difference between a flea and a woman? One is a parasite that sucks your blood to the very end. The other is a small insect!

Not to covet your neighbor’s wife when your neighbor is near.

Do you know why women can’t listen to music with headphones? It is because sound does not propagate in a vacuum.

In a blacksmith’s house, the skewer is for barbecue.

Love is like the gasoline of life. It is expensive, runs out quickly and can be replaced by alcohol.

Woman with PMS and just like a bee hive: move, hold on!

Life is made of phases. Either you do, or you don’t.

The speed that thrills is the same that kills.

There are three types of men: The rich, the handsome, and the ones I don’t care about.

The difference between a man and a banana is that the banana is ripe.

The money does not necessarily bring us happiness. A person who has ten million dollars is no happier than one who has only nine million.

I can never make my dreams come true, because when they happen I’m already asleep.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man sees everything…

One way to stop a racehorse is to bet on it.

Do you know why society among Portuguese always works out? A: Because one steals from the other and deposits it in the joint account!

I wish I could silence people in real life.

I don’t look for problems. Problems usually find me.

Dear Problems… Please give me some discount… I am your regular customer.

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.

If you’re one of those unlucky people, when you see the light at the end of the tunnel…run, it’s a train.

So baby, did you see Fantastic yesterday? No? Want to see it now?

When it comes to swimming, I float.


If gluttony is a sin, hell must be great for barbecuing.

In jail you sleep with one eye open and two eyes closed.

Rich father-in-law and fat pig only make a profit when they die.

My mother-in-law is so bad, but so bad, that if you put her in a blender and blend, it doesn’t make a glass.

To the rich the favor of the law, to the poor the rigor of the law.

I traded my wife for alcohol: Cheaper, it makes me happy and I leave whenever I want!

Like diamonds, government debt is eternal.

Buying is an art. I’m an artist. Please respect.

I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.

If nothing goes right in your life, make 10 children and the Family Grant will be guaranteed!

Do you know what happens when a rich man marries a much younger woman? She becomes a rich girl and he becomes an old cuckold.

Say no to violence! But if she insists too much… shoot her like three.

The only woman who walked the line the train picked up.

The evil of this generation is the beautiful body and the ugly soul.

Thou shalt not kill, except out of envy… the repressed.

More virginities have been lost out of curiosity than out of love.

Every man has the right to be treated well and every woman has the right to be grateful.

The uglier, the more photo you post.

Those who eat a lot of farofa, don’t need toilet paper, use a feather duster!

If you ever see me chasing a man, it’s because he stole my purse.

Headache is the contraceptive method most used by women today.

What is the worst punishment for a bigamist? Having two mothers-in-law!”

The only good side of the school is the outside.

A woman is like a clock: she gave the first defect, she never runs right again!

I’m from the time when playing pass ring was an innocent children’s game.

A computer is like a cart: there’s always a donkey in front.

The honeymoon ends when you call home to say you’re going to be late and the answering machine picks up and says dinner is in the microwave.

Why sit idly by if the greatest man died with open arms?

I’m trying to get rid of cigarettes, but the more I smoke, the more they make!

SUS: Your Last Breath!

Who wants everything… everything asks.

Lost women are the most wanted.

That night I dreamed about my mother-in-law. I threw it at the snake, but it turned out to be a zebra.

I’m so needy that the grill man comes and says “heart?”. And I answer “what happened, love?”.

If pinga were fortifying, the Brazilian would be a giant.

After a certain point, money is no longer the objective. The interesting is the game.

The guy was more dangerous than Pinocchio doing 69.

Success formula: A = X + Y + Z, where A is success, X is work, Y is luck, and Z is shut up. (Albert Einstein)

In a meeting of proctologists, the conversation is straight.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a true revelation.

You can never buy love, but you will still have to pay for it.

Some money saves you worries. Lots of money attracts them.

The worst emptiness is the wallet.

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention!

I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.

I really want to work hard. But being lazy is a lot of fun.

If I won the prize out of laziness, I would send someone to fetch it for me.

The day I stop drinking, I’m going to get drunk to celebrate!

If those who love take care, many people must love me. Because what about people taking care of my life, it’s no joke.

It’s very sad when you’re rich and beautiful and sexy and then the alarm clock comes and it’s over.

Girl, call me a wall, stick on me, say you like me and share your love with me.

I am the best in the world in using the Universal Hypothetical Technical Estimate Calculation, popularly known as CHUTE!

Over time I learned the meaning of love of neighbor: Don’t you love me? Next!

Malandra is the flea that waits for food in bed.

Looking at an 11-year-old boy on the street and thinking “Wow, imagine this boy at 19”.

The piranha talks about the chicken, who criticizes the cow, who hates the bitch, who can’t stand the piranha. But on the weekend it even looks like a farm, they all go out together.

If a man wants breakfast in bed, let him sleep in the kitchen.

It’s every life that happens in our thing…

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

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